Living in Provo comes with a lot of stereo types and pressure. One being, that I should be married with five kids already. Or that I should be looking for my eternal companion. The pressure has never gotten to me, until I turned 23. I officially feel like an old maid.
I have a great social and dating life. If I am lucky I might have one night a week to myself. I enjoy and treasure those nights alone. I am very independent and self sufficient. I do not have to be around people constantly. I need my own space to think and clear my mind. I have never been one of those girls who needs a man. I don't even know how to be someone's girl friend. Is there a "How to Book"? Really what I need is a " How to find a guy, and keep him but still be your own woman" book. If you know of any please tell me.
With this new year, I made a lot of goals. I want to be a better person than I was last year. One of my goals was to stop leading guys on, and being honest. I am really good at getting scared off, and I do the avoid texts and pick up more shifts at work, so I can avoid hanging out. It is my M O. I have mastered it. But how unfair an cruel was it of me to do this to boys. All I needed to do was be honest. Like my favorite person says "I am not living till I am being completely honest"- Fat Amy
Being honest sucks. SUCKS. SUCKS. SUCKS. Who ever said being honest will set you free, forgot to mention how you end up the bad guy and feeling like a jerk. I never felt like a jerk when I avoided and dove into work or "lost my phone".
I have had to tell the same boy that I do not want to date him for the millionth time. Each time gets worse. In two years, my feelings have not changed. He knows that I was dating someone else, or into another guy. But yet he continues to try. I admire his persistence but he is wasting his time. I am not in a place in my life where I want a boyfriend. I am not ready for the commitment. I enjoy dating lots of boys, and seeing the world. I have so many things I want to do. He just doesn't seem to understand. So at the end of the day, I am the bad guy.
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